“You were right to tell me that in life it is not the future which counts, but the past.”
The day after the night. Last night life felt so well, such a nice thing the chance of bring together true friendships through FaceTime. For some seconds life felt less complicated, more lighted, filled with lot of laughs and lot of memories from our youth, lot of cheers and lot of good vibes. Now I stick my chance on coffee, a lot of coffee.
Been wondering about different meanings of similar situations. While there are days where introspective wave takes place filling silence with a bunch of thoughts and new self discoveries, there are also others where everything seems flat. And no matter the reason of the expectations, both kind of days are well. There should be enough time for both, each type of situations has something to teach, learning from absence is also a thing. Out there is people telling us about how magnificent this time of insolation has been, all the good things they have learned, all the wonderful time they have spent with themselves. Thus just makes me wonder how deep lack of self-assessment for those people was. The true is, for me, there are days where I feel the motion of being using this time on good way, finding and discovering things about me, pushing out personal limits and that kind of things, but there is a bunch of days, a lot of days, where I just feel flat, trying to survive, trying to get good reasons without any success. And that’s, for me, what the real life is. So then, after all these misaligned thoughts, the only thing to say is that we must try to be ok and feel fine with ourselves, stopping trying to achieve what media is telling us about how to success during this tough time, leaning from our very own reality and keeping in mind that we are living the reality, we were not created to accomplish external standards of excellence. Feeling our own personal motion on the best way we can.
Raw words, unedited, unaligned.
We create coexisting peculiar worlds in our mind to feel alive.
“On winter mornings when it’s dark and the air is crisp, the lights are still shining and the first customers are gathered at the counter like conspirators. They give you the illusion that the day will be a new adventure. And that illusion stats with you for at least some of the morning.”
The importance of personal routines. What happens during the early hours is the most important part of the day for me. The fact that I can take few minutes to be only with myself, making the separation between the rest of the world and my silly thoughts during this time is important, it’s basic for my sanity. No matter the kind of day, this exercise has placed me in a path where I’m able to find some breath. Lately, as the days are going slower than before, I enjoy the game of the first light during the early hours, that sense of darkness absorption, that sense of conversion, that kind of analogy appreciated by my thoughts. Routes can change, paths can turn in a different direction, aspirations are transformed, beliefs are combined and expanded. The motion of life.
Raw worlds, unedited, while drinking coffee and watching the world changing into sunny day through my window. That kind of simple things. Common observations.
“I am rooted, but I flow.”
Things I want to feel, motion, excitement, freedom, fresh air, a cloudy sky, countryside landscape, the lake and the soft waves, people at play, the green of the mountains, the forest, the sound of the birds around tall trees.
“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”
Plans were changed immediately the sun was out, what was planned to be a day off from desk tasks turned into a messy complex day without free minutes in between. Life is about motion, huh? Even when that motion doesn’t offers us a soft advice or the things turn down so quickly, perspective may lead us for diferente paths, a better ones, I wish.
Self-portrait from safety fortress during early hours. Motion inside driving a kind of mental state. Trying to find comfort on common observations. Lack of focus for a long periods of time. Trying different paths to still feel the motion. Perspective in scope.
Raw words, unedited.
Today I took the puppy and my Leica outside for a while. New normality includes a face mask. Fresh air feels good. Sunny day feels good. Motion feels good.
To remember.
I miss mornings by the lake. I’m missing to let my senses invaded by the sound of early hours there. The peace and stability I’m able to feel each time I’m over there. The soft light of each hour. The tiny waves around my eyes. The absorption that all environment around the water causes in my mind. I miss to feel the majestic of natural landscape. I miss being out of the city for a while. I’m missing the motion while I drink my coffee this morning.
How deep and fleeting and existence is. A matter of second, a tiny drop, a cloud in the sky, a birdsong outdoors, a silence inside. A coffee in table, a glass of water beside. Just a quick space of relax.
Early steps after a bad night.
To record retention, to keep track of what we experienced, to remember the way uncertainty was part of our daily life. Hopes and fears are mixed, changing sides by perspective options, some days the light is a way, sometimes the silence is a trusted guidance, other days we are just trying to pass this out. Experiences are unique, feelings are atypical and tend to be more fragile than ever. Smiles are truly sincere and good wishes are part of new statement. Vulnerability is nowadays a trend. We can feel the motion inside, a truly brave motion. And when all this pass, if that’s a true statement, I want to never forget the way resilience kept us alive.
Early hours were crowded by silence, a peaceful calmness driven by memories and dreams from last night, untold stories remaining in mind as a permanent sense of new start. The little streets were emptied and the air was fresh, a double espresso was good enough to keep walking by unknown old canals, the weather was about 7 Celsius, our hands were frozen but our joy was still there. We walked through small streets, streets without end, we were trapped by the magic of the city, even in circles the city feels different on each corner. No shortcuts allowed, tech helpers were not useful at all, a city where instinct is key, a city where your heart drives the motion of your steps. This during the early hours while the city still sleeps.
Self-awareness.
Early hours, outdoors world still sleeps. Drinking coffee at my own, trying to recap what new things I have discovered about me during these last days.
Motion during changes and adaptability as main driver.