How many stories were created in our mind and were allowed to reside only in our fantasies with the only intention of a better place? How many stories achieved the reality of life? How many of our own words were allowed to reside in untold memories? Scratching the surface of time, impulsing our analog fantasies into a different dimension where voices are louder and deeper, where our silences are ruling the time. How many times intensional actions were taken in place?

Scape, silence and words.

“We tell ourselves stories in order to live.”

— Joan Didion

How our basic statements have changed during this tough time? How our own perspective has been migrated to those unthinkable postures where unexpected thoughts reside? How far and close are we attached from each other? How close are we from our own soul?

Even when things feel static and apparently a lack of motion is present in each routine there are seas of emotions moving faster than our mind can catch up with.

No matter if we feel that we are getting the best or the worst of this situation, learning will come after all this turbulence pass and we will need to deal with new versions of us. Amazing how life has started to shown the real motion that resides in between our mind and our body. Altering the status quo has always shown firm results. From the past till the end.

Missing real contact. Missing friends. Missing long gatherings. Missing to spend hours between laughs and bubbles. Today I miss for a better time.

Trying to put myself together after a night filled by laughs and bubbles. Implicit low living requirements. Hazy nights as good reminder of whys and whats.

Things I miss the most, motion implied during my short home travels. Internal and external. Driver for continuity.

“You have to pick the places you don’t walk away from.”

— Joan Didion

The two faces of my early hours each day, same source of light providing different scenarios. How can we start to feel comfortable with the idea of being raised under the same sun seeing and living different situations each day? How can we start to feel the innate things in our lives without loosing the power of appreciation? Is that what remains in our minds at the end of the day what really matters in life? How can we get used to that? How can we change the way we enjoy our simple observations? How perspective can be aligned to our desires?

Raw thoughts, unedited words.

Wishing this view as my current one. Made this photo in 2018, it was summer and I can still remember how nice I felt. Now it’s 2020 and I’m wondering how many days will need to pass to have me over the lake again. Life can change. It feels unreal.

I keep trying to open my eyes before the sun, I still need the darkness of those silent moments. I’m still enjoying having my coffee with the window by my side, looking how the life starts the daily game, I’m still enjoying those birdsongs each day. And the change of the sky. And all of those routines. All of that familiarity. All of that motion.

I’m still hoping, I’m still wishing.

Continuidad.

Silence and fresh air, new quiet beginnings ahead. That kind of familiarity of being walking the same steps.

Lately, there is a similarity sense implied on each of the days. Routine. Staying inside.

What would happen if our choices were the result of our pure instinct?

An ode of gratitude for all those slow moments filling up the spirit. Self-awareness and introspective search as main drivers rather than as a result of different situations. Looking for internal motion. To be the motor. To be the reason. To keep feeling. To be present.

“You have to pick the places you don’t walk away from.”

— Joan Didion

Not today. Tough way to start without sharing impulses in between. External flow imposed, rejection innate. The should be vs the must and a lost can in the middle of the path. Motion contained. Emotion retained.

Sometimes taking distance is also a companion way. To be there in absence, to cohabit in silence but presence. All the ways matter and all the steps count. Distance can be measured in thoughts and muted voices writing untold words. We were not alone, we were just making our story to be told.

To feel how do I feel. Self-awareness.

Drinking coffee at dark spot as the day hasn’t started yet. Those silence minutes offering full control of ourselves. Non-distracting episodes. To feel how do I really feel. What motion from inside can be felt. How many light do we expect. How many paths are we going walk. Expectations based on steps from the past.

Light is starting to take control of our space and time. Birdsongs start filling the silence. The sky starts to show a mix of pastel colours. My senses are stimulated by the dark coffee held in my hand. The smell of rain remains as slightly touch of calmness. What things are going to be discovered today. How many times are we going to still wanting to be here and there.

Day has started, outdoors life is set. Motion has started to rule our time again.

Stillness.

Tough days we’re living.

“One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others.”

— Simone de Beauvoir

Tough days we're living in. Raw feelings about the way humanity has done things incorrectly for a long time giving the benefit of free life only to one portion of the human race. The place where I live is not the exception, Mexico is in fact one of the most racist places in the world, human agaist human is apparently a basic statement, aspiracional sociaty and social class bases are ruling the way this country is handled. We were raised forgetting our own roots. Also dealing with pandemic situation in the country that each day goes to worst, the lack of a good gov in place, the lack of cutural eduaction from the people, and lack of empathy between all of us. Beside all this I'm still trying to use this as a tool to try to keep my mind in peace and looking for the best way to calm my thoughts each day.

Actively listen

Demonstrate concern

Provide support

Be available and follow up

De semanas surrealistas y otros intentos de continuar en esto. Those early hours filled by silence and absence of motion are mainly the core that push my day through all the rest of hours. Abscess of stimulation from the world around me makes so much good to my mind, allowing a free flow without and specific path to follow, without a route traced back to the chaotic environment we are living in. And that feels great. Such a deeper breath. Chasing foreign lights without return. Then suddenly time marks the point of start. And so it is.

“You were right to tell me that in life it is not the future which counts, but the past.”

— Patrick Modiano

The day after the night. Last night life felt so well, such a nice thing the chance of bring together true friendships through FaceTime. For some seconds life felt less complicated, more lighted, filled with lot of laughs and lot of memories from our youth, lot of cheers and lot of good vibes. Now I stick my chance on coffee, a lot of coffee.

Been wondering about different meanings of similar situations. While there are days where introspective wave takes place filling silence with a bunch of thoughts and new self discoveries, there are also others where everything seems flat. And no matter the reason of the expectations, both kind of days are well. There should be enough time for both, each type of situations has something to teach, learning from absence is also a thing. Out there is people telling us about how magnificent this time of insolation has been, all the good things they have learned, all the wonderful time they have spent with themselves. Thus just makes me wonder how deep lack of self-assessment for those people was. The true is, for me, there are days where I feel the motion of being using this time on good way, finding and discovering things about me, pushing out personal limits and that kind of things, but there is a bunch of days, a lot of days, where I just feel flat, trying to survive, trying to get good reasons without any success. And that’s, for me, what the real life is. So then, after all these misaligned thoughts, the only thing to say is that we must try to be ok and feel fine with ourselves, stopping trying to achieve what media is telling us about how to success during this tough time, leaning from our very own reality and keeping in mind that we are living the reality, we were not created to accomplish external standards of excellence. Feeling our own personal motion on the best way we can.

Raw words, unedited, unaligned.

We create coexisting peculiar worlds in our mind to feel alive.

“On winter mornings when it’s dark and the air is crisp, the lights are still shining and the first customers are gathered at the counter like conspirators. They give you the illusion that the day will be a new adventure. And that illusion stats with you for at least some of the morning.”

— Patrick Modiano

The importance of personal routines. What happens during the early hours is the most important part of the day for me. The fact that I can take few minutes to be only with myself, making the separation between the rest of the world and my silly thoughts during this time is important, it’s basic for my sanity. No matter the kind of day, this exercise has placed me in a path where I’m able to find some breath. Lately, as the days are going slower than before, I enjoy the game of the first light during the early hours, that sense of darkness absorption, that sense of conversion, that kind of analogy appreciated by my thoughts. Routes can change, paths can turn in a different direction, aspirations are transformed, beliefs are combined and expanded. The motion of life.

Raw worlds, unedited, while drinking coffee and watching the world changing into sunny day through my window. That kind of simple things. Common observations.